When I look back on all the shame binge drinking has brought upon my life, I want to crawl under my desk. Throwing up in the backseat of someone's car or peeing on a neighbor's doorstep always left me genuinely mortified the next day. And for weeks after would wear my drunken scarlet letters like they were going out of style. Needless to say, I suffer from relative self-loathing.
Sadly, I now see these hours of agony were wasted...because this was maybe the BIGGEST missed opportunity of my life!! Thanks to one person. Ke$ha. Her songs are so mind-blowingly stupid that I've been avoiding her lowest common denominator image for the last year. But out of boredom, I recently read an article about her. The fact is, this bitch is profiteering on every horrifying binge drinking episode that I have tried so hard to bury. I guess I really squandered one of life's great cashcow opportunities. Ladies! if you're going to be a drunken whore...capitalize.
Unfortunately, my time has passed. The hangovers are just too debilitating at 28.
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